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Peter
Lamas is one of the leading make-up artists and beauty
experts in the world. His clients read like a Who's Who
of Hollywood -- Jackie Onassis, Elizabeth Taylor, Audrey
Hepburn, Faye Dunaway, Diana Ross, Sharon Stone, Cindy Crawford
and Kate Winslet, to name but a few. Peter's film credits
include the gorgeous make-up design seen in James Cameron's
Titanic. Peter regularly appears on television and in the
media in North/South America, Europe and Asia. He travels
extensively across the globe, speaking to women of many
different cultures, about how they can realize their potential
to be beautiful both inside and out.
Peter
is founder and Chairman of Lamas Beauty.
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Is
Everyone a Critic?
"By
criticism, as it was first instituted by Aristotle, was meant
a standard of judging well. --Dryden."
"You’re
fat, you’re stupid, and your breath smells bad." If
someone hurled these bons mots at you, you might feel as
if you were being unfairly criticized. In actuality, you were
merely insulted. A true "criticism," in the purest definition
of the word, would have been, "It might do you some good
to lose some weight, educate yourself, and brush your teeth."
One type of comment probably hurts, the other potentially enlightens.
Of
course, whether or not someone should presume to offer his opinion
about your looks or the state of your breath is debatable. But
if someone in a kind, non derogatory manner, gave you some useful
tips on how you could improve your life in some way, would you
appreciate it? Would you possibly even act on this advice? The
answer to this question can be found by glancing at the New York
Times bestseller list, which features books like Simple Abundance,
by Sarah Ban Breathnach, on the list for 128 weeks, and described
as "Advice for women seeking to improve the way they look
at themselves." Exercise guru’s Bill Phillips book Body
For Life, #2 on the Times’ list, promises to "improve
one's body and one's life."
Individuals
love to have the power to improve themselves, whether it be through
diet, exercise, education or just a new haircut. The ever popular
how-to books are the essence of classic "criticism,"
as they attempt to describe whatever it is you’re doing wrong
with your relationships, lifestyle, etc., and then try to set
you on a preferred path. People are not offended by these books
-- to the contrary, they embrace them with open arms, not to mention
checkbooks. But if Mama tries to offer you some of her wisdom,
or "constructive criticism," watch out....!
It
is probably easier for many to accept "criticism" from
an impersonal source like a book or video, as they don’t
have to worry about any hidden or ulterior motives on the part
of the critic. For instance, if your boss counsels you that you
need to be more organized, you might worry that he’s thinking
of firing you. However, if you independently recognized your own
sloppy practices in a book titled How to Organize Your Desk,
you might take the opportunity to find ways to straighten up your
work area. Perhaps you’d then be in line for a raise, rather
than an unemployment check. Bear in mind that your "critical"
boss may have a lot to offer you, though, if you can overcome
the uncomfortable sense of being "criticised." This
requires letting go of your defensive ego, however, and understanding
that others conceivably have knowledge that could be useful to
you. Rather than denying that you have any problems, you might
ask your boss honestly what he thinks you should do to improve
your work habits, and if his guidance is good, act on it. You
will have learned something positive from this experience, rather
than carrying around a negative.
This
month in Beautywalk we’re featuring an article by Karen Asp,
called "Getting
critical: Why criticism might be good for your soul."
Karen demonstrates how and why critisicm can be beneficial for
you, and also shows you how to deal with those who tend to UNfairly
criticize you.
In
my own experience, the critics in our lives are our greatest motivators,
and we should appreciate them. If you think about it, you will
probably remember with fondness that high-school English teacher
who handed you back a term paper you threw together at the last
minute, and told you firmly that the "potential is there,
but you need to try harder. I expect more of you." If you
made a choice to ignore this suggestion, you probably learned
nothing. If you took that paper and re-researched it and rewrote
it and tried really hard to make it exemplary, you probably learned
plenty. Without the extra push of the criticism from this teacher,
you might have coasted by with a C-Paper, rather than pushing
yourself to earn the A. That "pushing yourself to earn the
A" is what enables us to better our lives, relationships,
or financial conditions.
As
with anything, there is a downside to criticism, when it’s
taken to an extreme. I’ve worked with many actresses and
models who are exquisitely beautiful. Anyone would take one look
at them, and pronounce them perfect. They are so incredibly hard
on themselves, however, they end up making themselves (and others)
miserable. A tiny pimple on their otherwise flawless complexions
will send them into fits of anxiety. Perfect isn’t good enough,
ABSOLUTE perfection is the target. The obsessive self-criticism
makes them almost insane, and difficult to be around. In my opinion,
life is too short for this type of nonsense. Any goal that makes
you crazy trying to attain isn’t really worth achieving.
As
a hair stylist and make-up artist, I would never dream of telling
a woman sitting in my chair that her hair "looks a fright."
She’d probably run out of my salon in tears, and never come
back. However if I said, "Your hair is a little dry, let
me recommend some conditioner to moisturize it," the client
would be grateful for the assistance. And maybe her hair was in
actuality as frightfully dry as the Sahara, but if I had chosen
to tell her that, I would never have been able to help her. And
for me, that’s the key to clever criticism -- finding the
right words and attitude to help others, or even help myself.
With
much love,
Peter Lamas
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